You know that song about asking yourself if this life is who you want to be? Well that is me this week. More than a few times I reflected at the end of my day and caught myself thinking things like, "I really don't want to be a mom who relies on Little Ceasars for dinner so often." Or "I really don't understand why I took that tone with Scott."
So then I ask the question about circumstances. I feel like my frustrations and attitude are a result of these circumstances. Are they circumstances beyond my control? Or can I make some changes to avoid the circumstances that have shown results of a me that I don't want to be in specific instances?
A couple of months ago my life group at church did a study that focused on margins. The very basic premise was that relationship happens in the margins. It is in those margins that we are able to handle the unexpected. Whether that is referring to time, money, or whatever. So if we don't have some sort of margin in our life, we get stressed out when the unexpected happens.
This totally makes sense to me, and I pray that I will continue to reflect and see those areas that I want to improve by improving my circumstances. Maybe I need to spend the weeknights with less activities so that we are calmer, not rushed, and ready to go the next day? Maybe I need to say no to play dates or dinners out with friends so that we can have more time the three of us? Life at home is not bad. I think that I may need to spend more time just being here, and having more margin.